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UPDATE: where I've been / am going

Journal Entry: Tue Apr 21, 2015, 7:28 PM

hello hello ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

so I kinda strayed from dA .......................................................... :iconshadowedplz:


that doesn't mean I'm not drawing anymore lmao
Im just kinda inactive here orz

[to all those I owe art to: dw I got that on my list ♥]

either way-

right now, for those who haven't seen it yet, I'm working on a doujinshi project q 7 q
I've got a rly tight schedule for this one, so I'm barely doing anything else orz
Until like Mid-May I'll be working on that ;;;;;;;;;;;;
afterwards- I should have time for other artsy stuff
on this note: sorry for postponing the rest of my to-do list you guys _(´□`」 ∠)_

Also I am currently in my finals phase - and that's pretty intense in Germany so it's stress²
I'll be officially graduating in June/July
and after that- plan is to work for a year and then run away to Canada //punched
So everything's kinda crazy rn hahaha ha h a

In any case-

I'm much more active on my facebook these days
so if you want to be as up-to-date with me as it gets, please follow me there q m q

I've also started using twitter and will be posting random crap and doodles / wips there so you can come join me there too ; 7 ;

I've kinda gotten quite into traditional art and I don't really post single works here on dA but only on fb / twitter so y e a h
same goes for other trashy art updates ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
I just feel like my dA is no place for those works hnnngg-
dnw to spam my gallery

so please feel free to follow me on facebook and/or twitter if you want to see those updates haha

Meanwhile I'll probably be on hiatus here for a while longer until my finals & dj project are over
I'd love to be more active here again sobs
I miss all the cool ppl I came to love and appreciate here aaaaahhh;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;


NEWS ALERT God is an alien

Journal Entry: Tue Feb 10, 2015, 9:22 AM

w h o o p s
I've been tagged ( థ౪థ)
By :iconsheyu:
Thank you so much for thinking of me (∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕)

so here I go-

[1] You must post these rules.
[2] Each person has to share 10 facts about themselves.
[3] Answer the 10 questions asked by the person who tagged you and make up 10 questions for the 10 you tag.
[4] Choose 10 people and put their icons in your journal.
[5] You have to legitimately tag 10 people.
[6] No tag-backs.
[7] You can't say that you don't do tags.
[8] You MUST make a journal entry!


►►[1] Last song you listened to/book you read?
Punishment - Roh Ji Hoon | J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit

►►[2] Would you prefer headphones or a stereo?
This is actually rly hard uh- but I think I'm gonna say headphones ;;;;;;

►►[3] Would you rather listen to the radio, or your own playlist?
PLAYLIST ( • ̀ω•́ )✧

►►[4] Do you like meat or fruits more?
Fruits [I'm a vegetarian so joke's on u //punched]

►►[4] Hentai or Yaoi? [I love how there are two # 4s haha]
Y A O I ( థ౪థ)
►►[5] Sweaters or Hoodies?
Depends on the design!

►►[6] Movie or TV Series?
Usually rather TV Series (✪▽✪)

►►[7] Do you watch any Youtube gaming channels? (If so, who?)
AYE, I do [ Markiplier]
[tho I'm no big gamer myself so that's the only gaming channel I watch]

►►[8] What's one of your favorite art pieces that you've drawn?
Definitely grosssobs all over the place by BJ-LIPS

►►[9] Do you like coffee?
If iced coffee counts then hella ✧*。ヾ( • ∀ •)ノ゙✧*。

►►[10] What art program do you use?
Paint Tool SAI [and Photoshop CS6 for editing + backgrounds or graphical designs]


-1- Favorite nickname you ever received?

-2- The one piece of clothing / outfit you secretly always wanted?

-3- Most predominant pet peeve of yours?

-4- The silliest thing you ever believed? [and perhaps don't believe anymore]

-5- Any song that has ever given you an eargasm? [name at least one!]

-6- Your most idolized artist? [can be on any website]

-7- Most important person in your life?

-8- @ # 7: Why?

-9- What is your personal meaning of life?

-10- All aliens are immortal.
God is immortal.
Conclusion: God is an alien.



THE TAG IS UR PROBLEM NOW :iconlaughsplz:

a confession [kind of?]

Journal Entry: Sun Feb 8, 2015, 1:42 AM

ah yeah-
uhm- this is gonna be a pretty personal journal entry, so if you don't want to hear anything about something like that from me, you don't have to read this

I don't really write this to ask for advice or make up a sob-story so I'm pitied-
And I don't like getting this personal in public, but this one time I just-

I just- felt like I really want to get this out-
I might just delete it after a while, sorry, I don't know yet
But I will reply all comments, if you have something to say to me after reading this

So- here I go-

I don't even know how to start this-

Most of you probably don't know, but I'm in a relationship
It's no bad relationship, I'm really, really happy

And- you see-
I rarely fall in love
I never crushed on someone and only loved someone romantically once in my life before my current relationship-
But when I fall in love, I fall all the more - I fall really, really deeply in love
To the point where I couldn't care less about my own happiness as long as the person I love is happy-

And I fell in love even deeper than I did the first time-
And I am being loved back just as deeply-

The one I love is not happy-
They hurt a lot and they go through a lot of hard times-

I always try to help, try to make it better somehow, I reach out and try to find the right words and stay by their side no matter what

But it's not enough-
I can't do enough, I can't wipe out my beloved's pain, I can't protect them from being hurt and I can't take away all that suffering-

I try an try and keep on going and you see, it's 10 am now and I was awake all night again in order to make my loved one happy-
But I just feel so incapable-

I know I make them happy, don't get me wrong- I know it
But I still cannot prevent further pain and it comes raining down like a storm of bullets and I can't fucking protect them-

Have you ever loved someone so much that their pain hurts you more than your own?

When my loved one is hurting and says awful things to me that they regret as soon as they calm down, I should be sad or angry or disappointed
But by now I don't take offense anymore-
Because my loved one thinks so, so badly of themselves - and when I hear them say all those awful things about themselves it hurts me a thousand times more than if I was the one being offended-
I go on, trying to convince them of the opposite in the hopes of one day actually making a difference, creating a happier life for the one I love-

But I always cry-
I don't cry because I am unhappy or insulted-
I cry because I can't fucking do a damn thing and have to watch my loved one suffer all this misery and although I do everything in my power I just cannot take that away-
Can you imagine how much that hurts?
It hurts so bad- so, so bad-
This feeling of impotence is the worst-

I don't pity my loved one, it's not pity I feel
Pity would be disrespectful in my opinion
No- I don't pity them
I just love them so goddamn much that every time they get hurt, I feel twice as bad in the end-
I love them so much that their suffering is worse for me than my own-
And I hear the things they say and I see the things that happen- all this misery that they don't deserve
Not even in the slightest
My loved one deserves to be happy - they always do anything to please the people around them but they don't get shit for it- only more pain, more sadness
It makes me furious and it devastates me like nothing else-
My loved one doesn't deserve this treatment, even if they think otherwise
I will keep on fighting for them even if they give up-
I want them to be happy-
I don't want the to suffer-
I would give anything, anything, I would trade my own happiness for misery if this just meant my beloved could be happy

Have you ever felt so strongly for someone?
So strongly that you lay in bed crying and biting back screams because you're hurting so much by watching them suffer?

It's a warm feeling - warm and very, very lovely, I wouldn't want to change it even if I could
No matter how much it hurts me, I love them and one day I will see them happy

This is not me complaining
This is not me whining
Or trying to look like a saint

I am simply confessing this in a moment of weakness and honesty-

You may think "Oh what a drama queen" or "She's so young, she doesn't know what she's talking about yet"
You may call me immature and overly dramatic or god knows what else-
But this is what it is for me, this is what I feel right now and this is what I know is real right. now.

AND DEAR LOVED ONE, if you come to read this:

I did not write this to tell others about your life
I simply wrote this because I needed one more way of showing you how much you mean to me
Please, no matter how bad you feel about yourself, no matter what things you accuse yourself of being, no matter what other people tell you,

Never stop coming to me for comfort, I will always listen, I will always be there for you.
Even if it hurts me to see you in pain, I want to make it better, so talk to me when you need someone to talk to.

for all those of you that have actually made it down to this point and read the wall of text up there, I'd like to thank you
Truly, thank you
It means a lot to me that you took the time to read this

And please, nobody has to worry
I am a very emotionally stable person and I have people to support me in my life
I am doing well
I am just very deeply in love


Journal Entry: Wed Jan 28, 2015, 1:54 PM

my best buddy successfully rickrolled me on my birthday


also thank you all so much for your sweet birthday wishes ; 3 ;
I'll make sure to reply all the comments soon <33333
//drops dead cause no sleep last night

Reviving old ocs shrieks [+ weebly revamp]

Journal Entry: Thu Dec 25, 2014, 10:28 AM

aaaaalrighty then-

So after like- a whole year ??? I've finally gotten over my freaking self and decided to revive some of my old OCs which some of you guys might still remember cries

All the love and pain while doing so :iconlazypoolplz:

But I did it anyway- cause man I still worship these characters no matter how many bad memories are connected to them hng-


My weebly

The button:

So now you can many more characters of mine + their profiles on my weebly -

Perhaps some of you really like to see all those old faces again so yeah-

Feel free to drop by my weebly and check those babies q u q



Christmas Miracle my ass

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 22, 2014, 5:40 PM



Since so many of you commented- I thought I'd let you know-

My mom just talked to me, apparently the doctors started with the surgery to transplant the kidney for my dad, but they saw that my dad's Arteriosclerosis is already too advanced to make a transplant possible.

They cancelled the surgery and notified my parents that my dad will never be able to receive a new kidney, as nothing can be done about his Arteriosclerosis by now.
He'll be taken off the transplant list and has to go to the dialysis for the rest of his life.

And as if that wasn't enough, it seems that the risk of an amputation of limbs becoming inevitable is rising constantly, since the Arteriosclerosis isn't getting any better in the slightest-

So -

I don't know what more to tell you-

Hey hey guys ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )

Here a little talk out of shou's personal life 
[you don't have to read, just a lil' update so you guys know what's going on rn]

So I prolly never mentioned this, but for 10+ years my dad has been going to the dialysis now, since both of his kidney don't work properly anymore.

Hence he's been gone 3 days a week for the whole day and well, you can imagine the family life didn't go all too nicely.
Also it greatly pains my dad that he's barely home and spends so little time with us and he's pretty much given up on this ever changing.
He's been waiting for a kidney donation for all those years now, so his PoV is understandable, given he's already over 50 y/o.

A few days ago the hospital called, telling us my dad would receive a new kidney.
You can imagine my whole family went crazy -
Until we received another call just a few minutes later, telling us it was a mistake.

G O O D  J O B

Turns out it was a really complicated and stupid situation about some B-kidney which is a rather risky one to transplant yaddayadda first come first serve whatsoever-

It devastated my dad, but he said it was better than receiving a kidney that would act up after half a year for all he knows.
Still he was really down all the time.

It would've been THE most amazing Christmas present.

Everyone pretty much gave up on the subject after a while, now utterly lacking the faith something good would happen soon.

Everyone but me tbh - I had a gut feeling something would brighten up the day again.
I even bought my dad a little guardian angel carved from wood for Christmas-

And now, just two days before Christmas, in the middle of the night
A call
The transplantation center
Notifying us, that, this time for good, my dad WOULD indeed receive a new kidney before Christmas eve !

He'll be taken to the hospital tomorrow and they'll perform the surgery somewhen tomorrow evening -

Gosh guys I'm so happy I could cry--
This has been my dad's only dream for all these years and it's finally come true-
Just before Christmas and his birthday too ---

I don't care what people will say, but this definitely is my very own Christmas miracle ♥


[P. S. so life's a little hectic rn, but I'll make sure to get all the things I owe done soon cries]

I saw ONE OK ROCK live today [update + pictures]

Journal Entry: Fri Dec 12, 2014, 9:57 PM

ok so I figured since so many of you guys are asking, I'm just gonna elaborate on the concert wheezes

Sorry for the late update, but I had to go sleep for 14 hours cause I was literally dead-
And so is my voice h a h

After school I took the train to Hamburg, OOR's last stop on their European Tour 2014
I went with really good friends of mine who're also huge fans haha

The event hall where the concert took place wasn't as big as we hoped, but well, OOR is not THAT popular in Germany yk
But popular enough to attract a really large amount of people haha

Sadly they had two supporting acts with them [Mallory Knox and tonightalive]
Which took up like 2 hours before the actual concert started and OOR was only there for 1 hour but--
still it was so damn worth it

They mainly played some songs from their newest album and single-

You can't imagine how people were freaking out when they hit NO SCARED or The Beginning asdfasdf

Mighty Long Fall and Decision were also amazing hhhh-

And then at the end--
After they finished with The Beginning [cries why didn't they open the concert with it aaah dorks]
And everybody was screaming for encore-

Taka came back to the stage and the people went crazy ofc

And then he began to sing Wherever you are - a capella
Toru joined him quickly so it was just the guitar and Taka's amazing voice hhh-
Goosebumps all over I tell you
not to mention those two are ridiculously adorable ok

It finally came down to all four of them playing Wherever you are and the whole audience singing with them of course

It was a wonderful end to the concert-

And well- Taka then mentioned they will be coming back to Germany next year-
And you can imagine the reaction of their fans omg-

I'm so getting tickets again-

Ok so I'm not rly the type to take pictures of a concert plus I am rly short so I could barely even see anything, thus recording wasn't even an option


I bought some merch-
And for a fact I do have pictures of that-

The official European Tour 2014 T-shirt [front + back]
An OOR beanie + wrist band




I literally can't stop smiling - this was one of the big wishes I had, once in my life I wanted to see OOR live and today I did -
Despite being stressed by exams the past week and sleep-deprived as hell, I still went and did it-

This is amazing.

//cloaks self in OOR beanie + tour shirt + wristband 5ever

y e a h I a m a h u g e f a n


Journal Entry: Tue Dec 9, 2014, 11:55 AM

OKOK I distributed my invite codes for this week, BUT I'll get new ones on Sunday so I'll be giving out moar soon

I received 2 new invite codes I can give out so hey lets do this :iconkiligplz:


show me your most beloved OC !

Comment with a reference picture and a brief description of your OC & why you love them the most ♥

I'll choose the two OCs with the reasons I find most moving / I like the most <3333333333

pls really CHOOSE the #1 OC of your heart haha

[ this is NOT first come first serve q 7 q ]

Anyone want a invite code ??? [CLOSED]

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 1, 2014, 9:38 AM

UPDATE: okok so the three codes go to

:iconbetamooo: :iconkiimcakes: and :iconfuumika: :icongtthplz:


whispers so I got 3 codes and dunno what to do with them uuuuuhhhh--

does anyone want one? o v o

Just comment with the reason why you want to join and I'll choose between the comments in a bit aah :iconthatscuteplz:

aka it's NOT first come first serve oki = 7 = )b

SS 2014 - WISHLIST -

Journal Entry: Tue Nov 25, 2014, 1:42 AM

Aaahh I was invited to join EBZi's Secret Santa event this year :iconureshiiplz:
cries I'm so honored that you decided to invite meeeee ;;;;;;;;;;;;; thank you so much weep
can't wait to see whose SS I'll be * q *
and now to annoy everyone with my wishlist

If my lovely Secret Santa is up for drawing couples:


R|H: wow my pixel style changed h o w by BJ-LIPS
All refs here: MamoKiss

They're my favorite so aaah- I can't really sum up their relationship orz
Basically Mamo is a pathological liar and crybaby and Kiss a jerk with a big heart who suffers from emotional dysregulation-
Kiss once nearly killed Mamo in a frenzy because he found out Mamo lied to him 24/7 even though they were friends and Mamo is scared to death of him ever since
However they still ended up falling in love at some point and Kiss takes good care of Mamo by now-
Generally Mamo acts very charming and friendly, pissing Kiss off in return with those suave smiles of his-----


- HxP- [HUNTERxPREY] cheebs by BJ-LIPS Endangered by jinkki
More refs here: HUNTERxPREY

can I have two favorites? //smacked
Orlir is a unicorn prince and Harlei a hunter-
One day Orlir accidentally gets caught up in a bear trap Harlei placed in the woods and Harlei takes him home.
From then on Harlei beats Orlir up whenever he feels like it and their abusive relationship ultimately climaxes in rape even--
So if you're up for some sado-romance then these two are the perfect choice //chokes

In case my SS would rather stick to a single character:


All refs here: Khismet

He's a white anubis - formerly a child of a wealthy egyptian family, but commited sins in his life and thus was doomed to watch over the fates of humanity by the gods.
He's outgoing and charming, however secretly extremely lonely as he's immortal now, but will never again be able to establish relationships with anyone, as everybody forgets him after meeting him.


More refs here: Cato

A really friendly and cosmopolitan bae who's got a strange love for lettuce.
He's somehow related to Italian ancestors and thus loves to curse in Italian - otherwise he's that one super sweet, caring, upbeat walking ball of sunshine that everybody needs in their lives //smacked
He's my character for :iconlostdistricts: a Tokyo Ghoul rp group - Cato is a CCG Inspector.

Yeah that's pretty much all I got to say :iconlazycryplz:

Chibi Comms Points / Paypal - CLOSED -

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 21, 2014, 2:05 PM

Closed until im done with my con preps

— N O T E S —

○ I will only start once I received the payment
○ Please do not pay before I tell you to
○ I can be horribly slow - apologies in advance
○ Feel free to use my art on your profile etc. but please CREDIT me
○ Don't reupload my art anywhere though
○ If you forgot to mention something, note me as often as necessary
○ Switching characters is ok - in case I haven't started yet
○ Please fill out ALL the necessary info [see below]
○ Please have clear references
○ You may order different styles
○ Note me with your commission

Do's / Don'ts
✔ Kemonomimis etc.
✔ Furry-esque characters
✔ hetero / yaoi / yuri [traps included]
✔ Smut / porn / NSFW
✔ Everything else that's not a Don't haha

✘ Full-on furries / animals
✘ Mecha
✘ Full-on armour / rly detailed weapons
✘ lots of facial hair
✘ rly rly old characters

— S T Y L E S —

— Chibi —

- HxP- [HUNTERxPREY] cheebs by BJ-LIPS- AT - lainykins by BJ-senpai- SPECIAL - kiiseki by BJ-senpai
16 $ / 1600 :points: per character


— Mini Chibi —

R|H: yes this has no title by BJ-LIPSLove me baby baby Gimme very very by BJ-LIPS
12 $ / 1200 :points: per character

— O R D E R —

○ Username ○ [dA username]
○ Paypal / Points ○ [points / paypal email]
○ No. of Characters ○ [4 max]
○ Style ○ [Chibi / Mini Chibi]
○ NSFW ○ [yes / no ( if yes then choose + SFW = dongs hidden / + NSFW = dongs visible)]
○ Ref[s] ○
○ Brief Info ○ [character descriptions + relationships go here]
○ Pose/Expression ○ [only if you have a specific wish]
○ Extras ○ [anything you'd like to add that I need to know?]

Gimme your pages !

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 16, 2014, 11:26 AM

so I can stalk follow them all ( • ̀ω•́ )✧

Just drop me your link in a comment below ♥

If you wanna follow me here's

(❁´ ︶ `❁)*✲゚* ○          

whispers the site is so c o o l

Also a thousand thanks to kiiseki who was so sweet as to give me an invite code //wipes tear

male korean fashion blogs on tumblr???

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 28, 2014, 12:35 AM




I'd really love to find a male k fashion blog that revolves around the male kpop idol fashion yknow

like EXO or VIXX or SuJu or BTS wear in their MVs or live performances ////////

If you got some good blogs for me please share via comment q u q


Eyoooo PERMANENT NAME CHANGE [shoujo-s here]

Journal Entry: Wed Oct 8, 2014, 2:04 PM

Yoyoyoyoyo you guys ★

I'm still on my trip to Avignon and my wifi suuucks ass so much I'm about to drown myself in our pool but--

From now on I am officially BJ-LIPS !!!!

this is my final and official artist name and con alias and I won't be changing my name again ~

You can call me BJ or LIPS or shou or bj-senpai or whatever you come up with ahahaha
Just don't call me night or star anymore ok? ; 7 :

I really love my new name now and for anyone who doesn't know why I chose this name- apparently a few certain people coughnhiwicoughjanerrecough found that the way I draw lips they always look like bj lips so this name kinda went from childish joke to hilarios alias ahahaha

I hope you'll have as much fun with the name as I do ♥

P.S. my tumblr, facebook, weebly and weasyl are also registered as BJ-LIPS ★

//tumbles back into the bottomless pit that is her wifiless trip

see you :iconlazycryplz:


Journal Entry: Fri Oct 3, 2014, 11:43 PM


Jesus this tripped drained me physically as well as mentally orz
17 hours bus ride -- 17 HOURS-
Without inet-
I just--

Avignon was amazing and the weather was dolce and seriously actually that trip was p nice ---
Tho I don't speak a word French ahaha-

BUUUUT I'm glad to be back home now so I can be on dA again and draw whines
I didn't draw for a week gdi- send help-

but the peeps of my class are douches so sticking around them for a week toned the niceness down quite a bit orz


for a bit ahaha-

My senior year class trip is going to France - Avignon to be precise - this year * v *

I'll be gone in less than 12 hours and without internet for a week, so uh - I'll see how often I can check dA

I already know our youth hostel is amazing this time- built on a mountain and we can go on the terrace and watch over the whole city - and we have a friggin pool--

It'll be awesome- but certainly exhausting ahahaha ... especially now that I got myself sick orz

Welp, I'll see you guys next Saturday ♥

shou senpai got herself a FB fanpage

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 11, 2014, 8:02 PM

As the title already says-- I'm on Facebook now, too hehe

Mah FB page:…

Feel free to like my page, tho I'll still be more active here ♥

shou out :iconlazycryplz: crap 5 am again

My deviantART Story [getting sentimental]

Journal Entry: Thu Aug 7, 2014, 7:57 PM

I wasn't entirely sure whether to tag along or not but screw it my sentimental side won-

Strangely enough I first joined dA on the 28th of August 2011 - which means my 3 years anniversary is only 20 days away ... it feels a lot longer tbh - as if I've been here for more than 5 years already--

Truth to be told I had no real reason to create my dA account - I had stumbled over the page quite a lot while browsing and decided to join - but quickly abandoned my account for a good 12 months, give or take a few maybe - I can't clearly remember

My very first deviation is long lost in a bottomless pit and my style has changed drastically over those 2 years of actively being on dA

Before I joined dA, I used to merely sketch and scribble with paper and pencil [which I still love to do today and still sketch all my works on paper and scan them] - joining dA basically was the beginning of a new 'era' for myself haha

I focused more on digital art, became accustomed to my tablet and rapidly found the infinite pleasures of drawing digitally
Considering the level of art I was on before I joined dA, I must say I think I improved quite a lot and quite fast, too

Ever since I joined, art started to consume my life more and more - until I had to admit that it had become my only hobby, the only thing I actually continued, while usually I lose interest pretty quickly, but art remained the center of my life
And it still is now

My time so far on dA has been lovely and it has been cruel; I met many people, many I wouldn't want to miss anymore, many I have become friends with, some I even learned to love
I have experienced kind support by complete strangers I have never met before and yet they all encouraged me to pursue my hobby and keep drawing; at this point, I want to thank you all for the support you have given me until this day, it means more to me than I am able to express

My life outside of dA barely has anything to do with art and to be honest, I have no friends irl that are as interested in art as I am - which is a quite difficult thing to live with, but this is why I treasure dA so much, I have finally found people like me on this site and I am incredibly grateful for the amazing time you allowed me to experience so far

And even with all its ups and downs and art blocks and crises: I would never want to go without dA again.

Perhaps there will come times where I can't be active anymore because life got too serious, but I will always remember and look back at these glorious times

As for now, you can be assured, I won't be leaving anytime soon ♥

I probably suck horribly at featuring people and art, but let me still try:

MnG: Maihara Haruki by Macchi-Tacchi
Because I have met the most wonderful person and this holds so many unimaginably precious memories for me which I would NEVER want to miss
You have influenced my life more than anyone else until now and I am thankful for every moment we spent together
If you ever look at this, if you will ever see, please know that you will always be in my heart, regardless of what happened between us

[Thankyou] Request: OC Koumei by cakeskin
Because this was the spark that ignited one of the longest friendships I have had here on dA
I am so thankful that we are still in contact - you mean a lot to me ♥

Because I still remember the good ol' times and the one and only reason which kept me active on dA and shaped me as an artist
Thank you for all those days and your kindness - thanks to you, I stayed on dA ♥

akashi n benny by kadowakiyuuhei
Because there are people that you will never forget even if contact was broken
I still admire you and often look back at our conversations - you always backed me up, and no 'Thank you' would suffice for my gratefulness ♥

Re|Heroes: Maestro by jinkki
Because I found a special, dear friend in you and I hope we will create lots of beloved memories together in the future
To a flourishing funky dumb dork friendship ♥

Because the fun times we shared back then have never left my mind
You still are one of my idols ♥

JS - kIMICHEESE by Rurumii
Because we were a pair of idiots back then and probably still are, but it was a lovely time
Even if we have lost contact - I still treasure the friendship we had ♥

HBD to OneNightStar - FILL YOUR KOUKOURO WITH THIS by Noririn-Hayashi
Because I met an admirable young woman who amazed me to no end with her kindness
Even though we never talked too much, it all still means a lot to me ♥

AT: OneNightStar III [2/2] by Kialun
Because there are still people I talk to after all those years and nothing between us has changed
We were never specifically close, but the kind of friendship we share is worth more than anything I could give ♥

SH: Commission by Shrimpoop
Because even if we don't talk much nowadays, this is a friendship that lasted for so long and I would never want to give it up ♥

AT- OneNightStar 2/2 by lainykins
:iconlainykins: :iconsakura-pumpkin:
I feature you together because that's where you belong.
I have met two special snowflakes a long time ago and am infinitely thankful that we are still in touch
You have given me courage and taught me important values, never stop being who you are now ♥

There are many other people which I treasure by now and should probably feature here, but I decided to choose those I have known the longest and that have made significant changes in my life, because this is My deviantART Story

For those who have actually read through this wall of text, thank you for sticking through this, thank you for your interest and I hope you have a lovely day ♥

Chibi Art Trades ? [CLOSED]

Journal Entry: Tue Jul 29, 2014, 1:27 PM

Thank you all so much for your interest! q o q

I'm honored so many people are interested in trading with me :iconweepplz:

I'll send a note to the ones I picked in a bit ; v ;

Hello hello people q u q

Soooo even though I have quite some stuff to do & draw, I really feel like doing some chibis art trades to get back on track yknow--
Get used to drawing again since I'll finally be on summer break from tomorrow on heh-

I can offer you two different chibi styles:

Mini Chibi
Love me baby baby Gimme very very by BJ-LIPS

R|H: still dunno if I do his hair right by BJ-LIPS

Please note:

► I may be [most likely] slow sorry I'm a slug really
► I will choose with whom I want to trade [probs gonna note the ones I choose]
► Trade must be fair aka. a single chibi for a single, a couple for EITHER a couple OR two singles
[if you want a couple from me, I'll most likely ask for two singles in return]
► Trades will be done while I also work on personal art
► I will ask you for a MALE! character of mine [since I only have males] so be prepared
► I will NOT choose one of your characters for you, please choose one [two] and don't give me options

So if you're interested in doing a chibi art trade with me, please comment below with the following:

Style I want: [Mini Chibi / Chibi]
No. of Character[s]: [either single or couple]
Ref: [picture! references of the character(s) you want me to draw]
Brief! info: [main personality traits / relationship / anything I need to know to draw them correctly / pose or expression preferences]
My examples: [link me to some examples of the chibis you'd draw for the trade]

Idk I'm probs gonna pick someone tomorrow q v q

Thank you all for your interest in advance! ; x ; ♥

artist crisis [A BIG THANK YOU]

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 26, 2014, 7:20 PM

Hnn-- I just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to all those lovely comments you guys left to cheer me up or help me get through this without stressing ; x ;

Tbh only posting this journal and getting this off my chest already helped a lot, surprisingly--
I feel--- a little lighter-- and maybe that's the way of getting back to my old creative self haha--

But then-- reading all those comments aah-- it really made me feel all fluffy and warm mmh-- //////
I'm really really thankful that you all took the time to share your thoughts on this and I apologize that I won't reply everyone seperately-- so I thought I should still thank you like this q o q

I'm gonna try my best to just ride this out and see where it leads me-- your comments and getting this off my chest already made me feel a lot better, so maybe it won't be that long until I gain my creativity back hehe



P.S. on another note, turns out my hand doesn't hurt at all when I draw, even tho it still hurts occasionally and the bruise is still there and all-- so I guess I /will/ be drawing after all hm~ :iconjunesplz:
Gotta get back on track with everything~

note: I'm complaining so if you don't wanna read about a whiny shou, feel free to move on

tbh I've been struggling with this for quite some time now, but during the last days it's finally dawned on me what a big issue this actually might be--

So for idek the past weeks I guess, I've noticed how I've been in some kind of design art block thingy whatever--
I can draw just fine, but I can't design anything for the life of me-
I thought taht was ok-- I thought that would pass cause I tend to have that
Well, I was wrong-
It's been weeks and I did everything I know that works against such blocks for me-- but literally nothing changed-- rather I think it only got worse--

I tried to not think about it and don't stress about it and do other stuff to get my mind off things and relax and try again with a clear mind-- and it was super fun doing other stuff and all-- so no forceful atmosphere anywhere--
but still whenever I try to go back to designing, my mind goes blank-
literally blank
there is not a single idea or thought
just- nothing-

I tried to look at stuff that inspires me or check out new things--
but it won't work--
I really tried  /everything/
There is nothing left that I could do

But as if a design block wasn't bad enough already, a few days ago I finally realized that it's not only that--
but that slowly but surely I lost the ability to create characters--
be it their design, or their info-
like-- I have an adoptable I really really really love and wanna work on-- so I look at him--
and my mind goes blank again-
I ask myself "What's his name?"
I ask myself "What kind of person is he?"
I ask myself "Is there anything at all you can imagine for him?"

I swear this is driving me insane--

I've tried literally anything-- from listening to music to watching stuff to reading to thinking of attributes I would like my ideal partner to have to idek just looking at stuff or characters I like but-- it's as if everything I liked suddenly lost its appeal to me--
nothing is "worth liking" anymore--
I go like "oh yeah that's cool" but I feel indifferent--
nothing really catches my interest anymore--

Before I really used to get hella pumped for some stuff like certain rp groups or adoptables and my mind was overflowing with ideas for characters or designs or plots, personalities etc.
and now-- all of that is just-- gone---

and I honestly have no idea why-
there must be some kind of trigger, but I can't find it-
and I can't find a solution either--

Trust me when I say I tried everything and nothing worked-- this is horribly frustrating--

because I came to realize a few minutes ago how grave this is for me--
if I can't come up with characters or design characters or other stuff-- I don't have any reason to keep drawing--

I already kinda took a time-out from drawing anyway due to school and other stuff and now my contused hand [which will be better in a few days so technically I could draw again]
but not even a break helped--

And it's not like anything is bothering me either-- of course issues irl or with friends often are reasons for this kind of blocks-- but everything is running smoothly--

I just-- don't see a reason to keep drawing if it's not for my love of creating characters--
My reason to draw was to get all these ideas out of my mind and onto paper--
I started drawing because of that and this will be the reason to stop--

and honestly I'm just fucking scared that I will end up utterly apathetic towards all of this and stop drawing forever--
that's the last thing I'd ever want--

but I'm just at a loss

Yah sorry for being whiny but idk this just really really bugs me--

Spray cans [clearing up some stuff]

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 4, 2014, 7:11 PM

Ok since apparently my defintion of 'oriental clothing' is different from the majority --

Let me apologize and elaborate on my defintion:

When I say 'oriental' I mean rather traditional [ancient] arabic / egyptian than asian.
So I meant to say that the characters should wear arabic / egyptian - inspired clothing, not chinese or japanese inspired stuff mixed with urban / street style

Idk all my life whenever somebody spoke of the orient or oriental clothing, everybody agreed that it was like arabic / egyptian and everything between it if you know what I mean--

so I hope this clears up the misunderstanding and sorry for the inconvenience 
It's just that the 'Orient' includes the countries from north Africa over to the southwest edge of Asia -- so yeah orz

I've now picked 4 people to help me mod this group in the future-- it was so hard to pick, seriously cries
Please don't feel bad if I didn't pick you okay?
You can always apply when the group opens!
And I'd love to see some of you during the opening hnngg--

I've decided to actually go through with this spray can wars rp group idea I've had before
so now I am searching for some people that would like to help me mod this group!

Here are the current details on the idea again since some parts changed:

It will be set in an oriental city, a huge, world-renowned metropolis with advanced technology, set in the present time

The city used to be a very peaceful place where everything was pretty much perfect and harmonic, a somewhat 'too-good-to-be-true' kind of city.
The citizens were so lulled by the harmony and peace that they never considered behaving any different or trying new things as everything worked flawlessly already.
Yet one day a few certain people realized that living in paradisical peace and harmony could not be everything there is to life; as the saying goes "If humans don't have problems in their lives, they'll create some".
Thus the trend of street art [the definition of street art including both, graffiti and the actual street art] sparked and the few that wanted to do something different turned to drawing on walls, pavements, roofs and all kinds of other things with no restrictions, ignoring whatever rules or laws there were as to act our their freedom.
This movement attracted more and more people and it turned into a real problem for the government to have so many people disturbing the peace by doing such 'dirty' things without consent.
Yet as if it was not enough with this already, things became worse; the two friends that were pretty much the detonator of the street art trend grew apart in their mind-sets, one who believed to still behave righteous and considerate, the other who was determined to do whatever he pleased regardless of the consequences.
Thus a rift occured in the street art scene and soon the street artists each began to side with one of the initiators, splitting the large group of people into two gangs.
From that moment on things only became worse as the gangs clashed more and more often due to their drastic differences in behavior and beliefs and thus a street art war was soon upon the city.

But it was not just mere street art.
It began with painting walls, but at some point a new kind of spray cans was introduced to each gang by a wealthy, powerful, foreign company; would one use these spray cans to paint, one could make their drawings come to life.
As you can imagine, this was the true beginning of chaos.

Wow that's enough for the setting I guess--
Now some more info:

► Characters would wear a mix of oriental and urban/street style clothes
► The righteous gang is represented by cold colors, the rowdy gang by warm colors
► Each gang has three leader-ish kind of people: one initiator who is pretty much the uber boss of them all and two vices to help them [this means since the spots of the two initiators are already taken, I am looking for four other mods]
► Each character will be represented by a certain color which you choose beforehand [via color code] and based on this choice you will also have to join the gang that matches your color. This color represents them as a street artist and will be their most frequently used color in their art. It's like a trademark [apart from their signature]
► Upon joining one of the gangs as a street artist [and yes you MUST join one of the gangs if you wanna be a street artist, there are no neutrals] you receive three of those special spray cans; black, white and the color you chose before to represent your character. For the time being your character will only be able to use these three colors in their paintings. [you might be able to use normal spray cans of any color though if you don't want your drawing to come to life idk about that yet, but you always have to put your signature under the painting anyway which can only be done in black, white and the color you chose]
► The signature of a street artist is one other things with which people can identify your character. Since street artists stay anonymous when painting as to avoid troubles with the government, the only way of 'identifying' street artists is pretty much by their signature. The signature can look like anything really, you'll have to get really creative here
► The group will have some kind of point system since the gangs are battling each other and people may earn money or smth so they can buy new spray cans and add colors to their available palette to paint stuff

Uuhh yeah I think that's pretty much all for now-- I have some more tiny side infos noted down, but this is the main stuff you should know I guess--

So if you're interested in modding this group with me, feel free to comment here and tell me so~
I'd really love to have some support ; o ;
Just know that you must be active as a mod as in help me lay out details and future events and all-- I need you to have time to work on this group properly
And being active in the actual group will also be appreciated--

I will pick 4 other mods -- i-if there are enough people who're interested of course---

I'll pick tomorrow I'm really tired rn so I'm off to bed orz